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6 Things You Must Wear to Look Like an American Tourist

Tarnie / https://www.flickr.com/photos/tarnie/1256247960

Tarnie / https://www.flickr.com/photos/tarnie/1256247960

Let’s face it, it may be a stereotype but we fit it well. If doesn’t seem to matter whether we’re travelling overseas, or just running into Walmart; the look is the same.

Cargo Shorts
This is by far the most popular fashion accessory for this century, at least so far. You will see every type of person wearing these utilitarian shorts anywhere you go. And who can blame us? They are functional, comfortable and have more pockets than your average backpack.

Tennis Shoes
Sure, Michael Jordan was a great basketball player but he also single-handedly made every podiatrist in America rich. My foot-doctor once told me tennis shoes are the worst invention ever for our feet and to quit wearing them. Yes, I now have a new foot doctor. White tennies are a staple for American men everywhere. Sure the neon colors are gaining popularity but plain white tennis shoes with a pair of cargo shorts are it for the true American tourist look.

T-shirts used to be called underwear because, well, you can figure that out for yourself. Let’s just be thankful the tighty whities didn’t become an accepted outerwear as well. In these days, t-shirts are an acceptable top just about any place except at certain snooty golf courses. They can cost up to several hundred dollars, though you don’t need to spend that much if you’re matching it with plain white tennies and a pair of cargo shorts.

Ball Caps
This is another fashion accessory that has stepped up its game from work to casual to acceptable just about anywhere. It used to be if you wore it backwards you were a hickster, now you’re a hipster. What’s really funny is seeing a hipster with his ball cap backwards while wearing sunglasses; what the heck do you think that brim is for Mr. Cool? To really compliment the ensemble though, the ball cap must bear a logo from an NFL Team. You could maybe get by with a baseball logo, but no matter what others may say, football is America’s game now.

Fanny Packs
You hate them, you mock them, you chuckle, snort and point at them, yet when push comes to shove, you have had one at one time yourself. These are another fashion accessory that has a utilitarian function. Some of us hate having stuff in our pockets, even when we have seventeen pockets on our shorts. So many people make fun of fanny packs, or man bags, or whatever derogatory name you may have for them, it’s amazing how they’ve lasted so long. Come on, admit it: they are pretty handy and if you don’t have one, there’s been a time you wished you did.

I bet you thought I couldn’t come up with #6. This one is worn all over and we wear it well. Last time I was in Europe I got fed up with the Ugly American jokes. We are the most civilized, polite, caring people there are and we tip better too. Sure Americans are confident and maybe even a tad bit arrogant, I mean come on, we are from the greatest country on the planet. This is why we don’t need your fancy Italian shoes, your sissy little French scarf nor skinny European jeans. Give me a pair of white tennis, some cargo shorts, a t-shirt, ball cap and a fanny pack and I can go anywhere.


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