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How to Tell If He's the One

Outdoorsy men are a dime a dozen these days. Show me a man with a beard, flannel, Toyota Tacoma, and a large dog and I’ll show you the meaning of cliché. And while a lot of us ladies have a thing for rugged men who can cuddle a baby while simultaneously chopping wood, there are a few key indicators that will help you decide if he’s the right man for you. He may look the part, but it’s important to know if he’s the real deal. Here are some things to watch out for if you’re thinking of committing to a life long adventure-partner.

Can he keep up?
Girls get a bad rep for chickening out. So, boys, if you’re still living in the 1950s, let me introduce you to a few girls that blow their male competition out of the water: Billie Jean King, Sarah Burke, and Hilary Clinton. Ladies, you know how badass you are so just make sure that whomever you choose can keep up while you blaze the trail.

Does he get squeamish when you mention your Diva Cup?
If you’re in the backcountry for an extended period of time, chances are you will get your period. If he turns pale at the mention of your time of the month, it might be a warning sign. Diva Cups are for, well… Divas. And we all know that divas don’t take crap from anyone, especially boy’s that get nauseous at the mention of menstruation.

Does he like good beer?
If he’s sipping on Bud or Smirnoff Ice, he either belongs in an inner tube floating lazily down a river, or at a 16 year old’s slumber party – not on the trail. IPA, lager, or nitro, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s tasteful. Just make sure that he can drink like a girl.

Does he know that girls poop?
I know that I am betraying thousands of women that perpetuate the stereotype that females lack bowels, however, let’s end this charade here and now! Girls poop! And if your significant other doesn’t believe you or doesn’t want to believe you than he isn’t worth having around. Chances are, if you are out in the woods, you will eventually have to relieve yourself – lest you succumb to some horrible GI complications. If he knows that girls poop, then your outdoor business need not be an issue.

He Doesn’t Quote “Into the Wild”
“When you love, God’s light shines upon you.” Yeah, I liked it better when Fantine from Les Mis sang it. If his outdoor experience revolves around being able to rattle off epic quotes from cliche books, he needs to go. It’s important to know that he likes actually being adventurous, not just reading about other peoples’ adventures.

He always makes time for coffee
Or tea. This is a good indicator, not only that he likes coffee (major kudos) but that he is in no rush to bypass the little things in life. One of the best things about being on trail is finding the little comforts and enjoying the shit out of them. If he can stop to smell the flowers, chances are he is a keeper.

By Caroline Kellough


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